Birthday Words

To Robbie on the occasion of your 44^th Birthday

Fifteen years ago, my roommate and I threw a birthday party for you. Your laugh filled our house and your joy at life was contagious. It was the beginning of me falling in love with you. No, I think that was already happening. It was my heart’s first awareness that the falling was happening.

A month later you would sit on the couch in the same house. You said words that no man had ever said to me. You saw me in a way no one had seen me. A part of my soul that had laid dormant began to stir. I said yes to a courtship and the unknown. My hand in yours we began an adventure that has been filled with zigs and zags.

On our wedding day part of my vows (here) were that “I will remind you of who you are, of who you are created to be.”

There is nothing I enjoy more, than reminding you.

You are Rob, “in whom Christ dwells and delights and you live in the strong unshakeable kingdom of God.”

You are the one who draws me out in ways that always surprise me.

You are the one who can tell when I’ve crossed the boundary with my computer. You see me go from enjoyment to a glossed over look. And you come and gently shut my laptop. You move me to my favorite chair and put over me my favorite afghan. You hand me my journal and bible. Sometimes you even make me hot tea. And sometimes I pretend I’m bugged by it. But deep down my soul says thank you. Thank you because you have ushered me into what you know brings me life and being filled up.

You are an uninhibited introvert to my reserved extrovert. Which means you laugh loud and celebrate people’s joy. And you allow quiet to enter people’s sorrow.

You are funny. Especially when you talk to your brother on the phone.

You are made in a way that you feel things deeply and profoundly. It is important for your interior life to match your exterior. And that I love about you.

You often ask “How is your heart today?” Because you want to speak my language.

Do you know what life without you would look like?

The pictures in our new home would still be leaning against the wall. Because I want to try out all the options and sometimes I enjoy writing about hanging pictures more than actually doing it. But you say “Hey Missouri girl. I’m going to show you a couple of choices and then we are hanging these up!”

Our children would be well nurtured and reflective, but I might still be doing everything for them. But you are the one who challenges them and helps them see what they can accomplish. You help them form character. I help them live in the moment. You help them see how the moments can lead to future goals and dreams.

I would fill journals of thoughts, but without you, I would never have hit publish on this blog.

I might read and research all the possible Christmas tree farms to buy a tree. You make the trip happen.

You get the picture.

Every year around your birthday you ask me, “Have I grown this past year? Am I growing?”

Every year I answer yes. Some years it is profound. Some years it is subtle. Every year there is growth. Every year there is humility and strength both increasing. Every year that is greater letting go of things you want to control. Every year I get more and more glimpses of what your life would look like if Jesus were living it for you. Every year the glimpses increase and a clearer picture of it forms.

You fill my life with passion and joy and loudness. You love me well. Your love is imperfect. But the glory I get see in those jagged edges is unmatched. You fill my life with spontaneity and thoughtfulness. You fill my life with a listening ear and the greatest encourager.

Sometimes when you have done something a bit crazy, and yet totally consistent with your character, you ask me “Do you wish you had married Joe?”

We both laugh. Because it’s not a real question. But your old roommate has become our representation of a different kind of life. A predictable life. He has had the same job for 22 years. He has built a house a few miles from where you both used to live. And he and his family have built a beautiful life doing exactly what God called him to. But it has not been our life.

Ours has been filled with zigs and zags and crazy, risky things. We have uncovered corners we didn’t expect to explore. We have met with sorrow and loss, and seen grace rise to cover us. We’ve left secure jobs to go to seminary. And moved across the country to start a church plant.

You’ve shown this Show Me girl the beauty of trusting in the unseen.

No I never wished I had married anyone but you. Because 15 years ago when I looked in your deep brown eyes, God was right there with me. He knew just the kind of adventure I needed. When I placed my hand in yours, his work in me began in a new way.

He knew that marrying you would stretch me and shape me into the woman I was made to be. And he filled the zigs and the zags with treasures and surprises.

My heart in your hands has been the safest place it could be. You are the only one who could have sat beside me in an ultrasound room and heard the words “there is no longer a heartbeat”. Six times.

You are the only one who could fight for me in the ways I need to be fought for. You are the only one who could challenge me and want the best for me, even when it’s hard. You care that much about my heart and the kingdom of God.

You will be one of the first ones to stomp on the head of evil. To say no more ground on the harm you have caused.

I know what you will die for. And live for. I know that you live your life as one “whose final standard is not his reason, his principles, his conscience, his freedom or his virture….but who is ready to sacrifice all this when he is called to obedient and responsible action in faith and in exclusive allegiance to God– the one who tries to make his whole life an answer to the question and call of God.”

That is the man you are. That is the man I married. That is the man I will grow old with.

There is nothing that makes me prouder than living in the zigs and the zags with a man who has made his whole life an answer to the question and call of God. It is because of that, that my life is richer, that I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, that I pursue setting my heart on things above.

Married to you. Deep joy.

Happy day of your birth.

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