Last week I wrote five blog posts. This week, let me check, yep this is my first one. It hasn’t been for lack of words. I have a post on bathroom scales and motherhood and other glimpses of life ruminating in my head.
No, the reason I haven’t posted is life itself.
Monday and Tuesday were no school days. Wednesday was a 2 hour delay due to cold weather. (And a two hour delay in afternoon kindergarten doesn’t leave you with much school time.) The times in my day that are usually carved out for writing were filled.
They were filled with staying in pajamas. Playing Monopoly and discovering my son has an obsession with always buying Park Place. Filled with reading books more slowly and trying to decipher Star Wars language. (“Mama that is not what a wookie sounds like!”)
We got to have a middle of the day Skype call with Abuela. The unexpected excitement over going bowling with Dad. We lingered over a discussion of why an almost six-year-old wants vanilla and only vanilla cake and icing for his birthday.
For many years I have echoed Paul’s prayer to the Philippians “and this is my prayer, that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so that you may be able to discern what is best.”
I read the paragraphs above. I think of my son saying that he likes days off with his family. And I know I have chosen what is best.
You see I need to remind myself of that. Because there are voices that want to tell me that I have failed at blog writing. Just like there are days when I hear that I have failed at parenting. But when I write what is true, God wipes that all away.
He whispers to me that he loves me. Zero posts. One hundred posts.
He loves me. On days when I create sweet memories for my son. On days when my patience wears out and we somehow make it through the day.
When I’m aware of His love, I love better. And when my love abounds more and more, then I am able to discern what is best.
Today what is best is to Stand. Yes there it is again. My word for the year.
In situations like this- of going from five posts to one- here is how my thinking can be tempted to respond:
To sit- “I should just give up on writing. I can never be consistent.”
To run- “I’m going to use these three hours of school time to write ten post and have them all scheduled for the next weeks.”
To Stand– “Thank you Father for the fun days with my son. Thank for the way you’ve made my soul, to know you better through writing. I am here, waiting to respond to your leading.”
I’m slowly learning to embrace the days. The ways they flow and crisscross. To choose to respond to His prompting. To not let a few days define who I am…as a parent, as a writer, as a woman. They are all part of me.
So here I am. At the bottom of post with a much clearer head, a more peaceful heart than I was at the top of this post. Somehow through the typing of 500 words, the Holy Spirit does it’s work. I know I am loved. You are loved. He is love.
Linking with Weekend Brew
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing your heart, because just as you were blessed in the writing, I was blessed in the reading!
A beautiful example of embracing the days!!
Sometimes we put the most pressure on ourselves, don’t we? I usually find that it is worst when I am either comparing myself (my blog) to someone else’s blog or when I am trying to garner the praise of men. Tempting because I’m putting myself out there and I want it noticed if that makes sense? This is my first visit to your blog (found via The Weekend Brew) and if this post is anything to go by I don’t think you need to worry too much about being a good writer…it shows a gentle heart 🙂
LOVE THIS!! Maybe some day Samuel could teach me about “wookie-speak”… I LOVE Wookies!!
Had to share this… so many people are struggling so hard with trying to do and be “everything to everyone”… that’s not what GOD wants for us… He wants us to “do”, but only if we can do so willingly and freely. “God loves a cheerful giver”. HE knows we can’t “do” and “be” all, why can’t we understand that ourselves?? Hugs.