Stay. I’ve cried out to each of my six.
Stay. Hold on. Willing my body to not let them go.
Stay. Where is warm and inviting. Where I can nurture your life.
But they’ve gone.
Each time. My will,not strong enough.
Over years. He expands my soul. This twisty windy path we’ve walked.
He shows me the beauty of when to stay. And when to let go.
Not an easy lesson. But learning that hard doesn’t equal bad. And that hard fought brings beauty. Allows redemption.
Over the years. I’ve stayed by Him. Or maybe it’s that He has stayed by me. For I have pushed. Gone silent. Yelled. Held on.
He didn’t fall when I pushed. He didn’t give me the silent treatment back. He offered his ear when I yelled. He reached out his hand for me to hold on to.
He stayed. I stayed. When they left. Six years from the last sweet one. We sometimes are still working it out.
And His staying power and grace remains.
_________________________________________________
After I wrote this, slept on it, I awoke with a feeling of “have I honored my children? the whole process of grief, with this post?” Because there is of course much more to say about these precious lives than I write in five minutes.
A more whole story of their live, of our journey can be read in these places Leaves of Redemption, Season of No and Waterfalls in Fall. And of our son coming home from Guatemala, in Going Home.
Participating in Lisa Jo’s 5 Minute Friday. Write for five minutes- no over thinking, no backtracking. Link back. Encourage the person whose link is before yours.
Read more here
Prompt today: Stay.
PS I recently set up a Facebook page. If you would like to like, you can click Here or click on the Facebook icon in the upper right.
Oh, this so breaks my heart. I am so encouraged that you didn’t give up, that instead of closing down, you opened up. Your sweet boy. Your heart-child waiting to join you. Your angel-babies dancing in the throne room with mine. Blessings on your words. Your heart. Your service to God.
Oh, Melanie, I am so grateful for your raw honesty here–how this place is hard, how, even in the staying with HIm, and His staying close, it is not easy. Healing can take so long. But your faith, friend–how stunning you are in your faith. Thank you for this tonight.
Oh my heart. Friend. So thankful you share each word. Blessings.
Oh, so sorry for your pain but grateful for a God who redeems. I know this pain too and healing can feel raw and far from us but God builds beauty out of the despair and joy where there seems to be none. We serve a big God. Thanks for your open heart and true words.
Oh, Melanie…what a blessing to read this post today. No matter how old they get, I think we want them to stay with us….I love this line: “And His staying power and grace remains”
Beautiful words. Thank you!
I had to read and re-read this –> Not an easy lesson. But learning that hard doesn’t equal bad. And that hard fought brings beauty.
Wow!! How incredibly powerful!!
Thank you for allowing HIM to use the most difficult times in your life to minister to all of us. Your heart bleeds on the screen and we are encouraged and inspired by it.
Melanie: I, too, wrote about loss on my FMF. It is such a deep craving. I can only imagine when it’s your own child. I really appreciate this line: “Not an easy lesson. But learning that hard doesn’t equal bad. And that hard fought brings beauty. Allows redemption.” Thank you for your vulnerability!
Christy @ A Heartening Life
http://www.ahearteninglife.com
I’m with Stefanie. Had to read this over and over:
But learning that hard doesn’t equal bad.
He does stay, doesn’t He. Oh how He pursues me!
beautiful write from a beautiful heart, friend. Hugs to you! (missed chatting with you last night!)
Thanks for sharing the hurt and the grief…it aches, but Your faith shines through. What a God we serve who never lets us go.
Dear Melanie
How will we ever be abke to understand the heartache you went through! I am just so glad to know that they are all with our Pappa, waiting for you to hold them once you go home!
Much love to you
Mia
That picture is amazing. Just beautiful.
Beautifully written. I think you’ve not only honored your babies. But you’ve honored Our Father. And I am sure that your words have brought new faith and trust in God to someone else.
You’ve encouraged me.
Thanks for sharing. And it was nice to meet you.
Have a Blessed weekend,
Sherry
This is beautiful, my friend. You are a blessing!
A very tender post, Melanie. Thank you for your transparency.