It was one of the last breakout sessions. Saturday afternoon. She sat down next to me. And after the customary introductions she said words that spoke directly to my soul.
“I’ve noticed you this weekend. You have such a gentle and sweet spirit.”
God whispering to me through her offering.
Did she know that just a few minutes earlier truth was having a great battle against falsehoods trying to sneak into my mind? Ones that subtly said “If only I were more boisterous. If only I were louder. If only I were more magnetic. If only I could be more like her. Or her. If only….”
Her words stood in stark comparison to the words dancing in the dark edges trying to shape my soul.
Her words- Strong. Like a sword said No. No to lies. No to thoughts trying to mar the beauty of who God has made me.
Her words- Gentle. Poked a pinhole in heaven. Letting in God’s voice. His truth.
And that pinhole collected all the words that had been said over the weekend. And ones yet to be said joined in.
Collectively they burst through.Their dazzling light reflecting all the wisdom. The kindness. The truth. The encouragement. The overflowing bounty that had been offered over the weekend.
Reflecting the glorious beauty of women being who they were created to be. Seeking Him above all else. Living in redemption. Capturing words to spread the grace of the Word.
The power of those words squashed any lingering lies. Dashed them to the far corners of the earth.
The gentleness of those words smile upon me. Affirming who I am. And when I’m honest and connected, I like that one that I am. Life seems to work when I’m me and you are you.
One day removed. I remember my new friend’s words.
Her words mingle in with others. Their words an underlying current. God’s voice surfacing.
I remember Trina having us trace our hand. I look back at the paper. Smiling at the names I wrote on each finger. I remember her words that brought tears. “If you have fifty followers, you may be tempted to compare to bigger bloggers. Imagine those 50 women coming to your house this next Wednesday night. Sitting in your living room. Listening to your words.”
Yes. I will focus on deeper not wider.
I remember getting up at 6am with my roommates. Going to Dunkin’ Donuts. Sitting in the hotel lobby each with our bible and journal. One of those moments that freezes. Taking in the beauty of these women taking in the beauty of God’s word.
Yes. I will choose faces over numbers.
I remember Logan bravely sharing life as discipleship. Letting us in on her miscarriages and grief and journeying with others. As she speaks I remember my six babies. Never held in my arms. Never forgotten by me.
Yes. I will choose a God who is big enough to handle all emotions over pretending.
I remember Sally Clarkson words that I can’t write from integrity if I loose my first love.
Yes. I will choose to seek Him first over the idols the world showcases.
I remember Ann Voskamp’s words that God’s calling is not to do more for him, but more with him. And that the secret of good writing is good living in secret.
Yes. I will pursue reconciliation and relationship over judgment. Love over a clanging cymbal. I will live in step with Him rather than in step with a platform.
I remember Sarah Mae and I switch my eyes from my screen to my boys deep brown eyes. I remember Phil Vischer and say I will pursue God over impact. Darren Rowse and I look for sparks and put down my fork. Jessica Heights bravery in speaking while awaiting surgery news and sharing of waiting for dreams.
Their collective voice over and over reiterating- live my life. Live God’s life for me. Engage with life. Live first.
Yes. I will live. I will love my family. I will close my computer. And let the writing. The calling. Flow from that fountain.
Yes. I will drink from that well. Deep and unending. Without it my stream dries up. With it, living waters rush forth.
Thank you Allume for creating space. A space that invites exploration. A space that encourages and teaches and dreams. A space that draws women from across the country who have a heart for words and the Word.
May you all continue to sift through all that you experienced this weekend. May your love continue to grow more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so that you can discern what is best. And may in that best-ness, our words proclaim all God has uniquely prepared us for.
See you next year!
I’m participating with The Nester in 31 Days of Noticing Fall- as a season and in our journey of faith. This is Day 30.
You can find all 31 Dayers here. There are so many wonderful topics.
If you missed any days in the series, you can find my posts here.
I’m also linking up with Allume- the wonderful conference I went to this past weekend. You can read others reflections here.
Linking with WIP Wednesday,The Better Mom and God-Bumps and God-Incidences
You have put so beautifully into words what I felt from this weekend away! I wish I’d had a chance to meet you!
Thank you Lauren. I just went to your blog and felt honored to read your words. I too wish we had connected a few days earlier. Next year.
Beautiful, friend! Loved reading Allume from your perspective. I think I took away much of the same things. And yes! You do have such a sweet and gentle spirit that I so appreciate! You carry it in real life and you carry it as you write. 🙂 xo
Thank you Amanda! I am so grateful that we had connected via our blogs before Allume, so that we could be intentional in meeting each other.
What a gift. I can still picture you sitting at Starbucks, I loved hearing the amazing way God was at work.
Can’t wait to continue our encouragement with writing…and life.
Oh, Melanie! This was beautiful! Thank you for commenting on my space, which led me here. I love how God knows that self-talk we are having in our heads that are NOT His words and He brings others in to remind us of what He wants to say to our hearts.
Just beautiful!! Thank you for opening your heart like this…it’s so precious!
Lindsey, so glad you stopped by. I can’t believe we didn’t meet! But I did just see a bunch of pictures of you at the SmileBooth!
Yes, focusing on His words.
Thanks for your encouragement.
I love this and I love the way you write. I’m glad to be reminded of those impactful words again. Deep, not wide. With, not for. All in, no forks. The 1 over the 99. I’d already forgotten. I told Matt when he picked me up from the airport that you were one of the highlights of the trip for me. 🙂
Sara- what a gift it was to be roommates. So grateful I replied to Laura’s tweet 🙂
Oh, I hope I get to meet Matt and your boys some day!
I look forward to processing and responding all that God surfaces with each other.
Ah, Melanie! What a great post- so real, so glorifying to God! I am so thankful that God sent that friend to speak truth to you. Your genuine spirit shines through and I am so grateful for the opportunity to have met you in person.
Becky
Thank you for your encouragement. And again thank you for starting the ministry wives group!
It was great to meet you…would be wonderful to spend time in a coffee shop (says the introvert who hit capacity with 400 women!)
Melanie,
Thank you for sharing your words and your heart. And for in this space, sharing your relating as well. I want to say to you about all of your babies in heaven….I am so sorry sweet friend. So so sorry. Our father…the giver of life though, he’s in the business of redemption…of making beauty from the ashes. I love what you said about Allume being a space for women who love THE WORD and words….what an impact we can make as a community. I’m glad you’re a part of it. Love and hugs, Logan
Oh Logan- Thank you so much for your words and encouragement. Your session spoke to me. In ways that were not what I was expecting- thank you for sharing and being you.
I look forward to more Allume in my life!
Melanie, this is glorious. You are so beautiful–and yes, powerful in your claiming the identity of you. This is where we see Jesus, when we stand, confidently, as the women He’s made us to be. Like Logan, I am so sorry for the loss of your six babies. I am so sorry. I am so thankful I got to meet you in person last week. Wanting to give you another hug, as I am so grateful for you, friend.
Jennifer- i was so glad that we were able to see each other face to face. Next time we will have to sit down and have conversation!
Thank you for your encouragement and supporting words!
Melanie: It was a pleasure sharing a meal with you at Allume! I think you did a wonderful job summarizing this weekend. The nuggets of goodness you shared in this post were also highlights for me. And I’m thankful someone spoke words of life to you to combat those lies. I know what that’s like, I was hearing them this weekend, too. I know we had promised to connect again via email and I hope we do that. Thank you for sharing such wonderful take-aways from the conference! Once I get power back (thanks to Sandy) I will try to find words for Allume like you have shared.
Blessings!
Christy
A Heartening Life — http://www.ahearteninglife.com
Christy- I love that we had a meal together and heard so much of your heart and passion. I’m looking forward to connecting via email. I have on my list to look up info on the groups we talked about.
And would you believe that our friends live in Plymouth Meeting (Cardinal Dr). I new they had recently moved, but couldn’t think of the name.
We have lots to discuss 🙂
So cool your friends live in my neck of the woods! Looking forward to hearing from you…when the dust settles. –Christy
Yes, He indeed sees us and sends us his words in so many ways. I’m so thrilled you enjoyed Allume!
KJ Thank you! Love discovering all the ways he sends us his words.
Thanks so much for filling me in on the conference – it was good to feel like I got a bit of feeding via you! Whoever it was who said you had such a sweet and gentle spirit – they really saw you, and I am glad. The you that I see in tweets and blog posts is this, and an encourager, an uplifter, a pastor. And a writer 🙂
Much love xx
Oh friend, your words are always so kind. Thank you for seeing me across an ocean.
Maybe we need an international writers/bloggers/etc conference- in the UK?
Melanie, I could imagine you standing on the mountain top of victory and shouting the truth for all to hear. So glad the truth has set you free – your words ring true and clear. You are a beloved daughter of the King, blessed and highly favoured and He has given you words of grace and beauty that bless the hearts of many – including mine. I love you sister!
Jeannie- I love that we have connected this past month or so. Your encouragement and wisdom and vision mean so much to me. Your words speak deep to my heart. May I remember them.
This is my favorite Allume post. Hands-down. So good, Melanie. So vulnerable. I want to be your real-life friend. I love your spirit, your humility, and your ability to express it all so beautifully.
Oh Jennifer- I can’t tell you how much your words mean to me. I often read your words, so drawn to them and your holy holding of them. Thanks for sharing your joyful heart with me and encouraging me. Hope someday there is a face to face meeting!
Such lovely words! I was also so blessed for many of the reasons you listed…and challenged by the whisper of negative thoughts. Only mine were the opposite…”talk lower…stop laughing…be more gentle…if only I were like_____”. It all falls under the same heading though. STOP the negative thoughts in it;s tracks. Focus on HIM the One who created you just as you ARE!!! I wonder if we met at Allume??? I will look over my “cards” and even still, if we did not, I am glad to have met you today!
It frightens me to consider how many voices are quiet because of the inner thoughts that hush them, “It’s only my voice… everything I know is obvious to everyone else. She will say it better – softer, louder, funnier, holier, more eloquently. I have nothing to say that anyone needs to hear.”