Dear Teenage Me,

Dear 15 year old me,

I laid in bed last night. Writing a letter to you in my mind. Words poured out so easily.

It’s the fall of your sophomore year. 1982 (I know, that math can’t be right) In a few months you will be turning 16. I wonder what you will be doing this weekend. Most likely going to the school football game on Saturday. Our team is really good, capturing the Western Mass title a few years in a row. I wonder what you would feel if you knew the leader, the quarterback will loose his life in a day we call simply 9/11. Leaving behind his wife and a toddler.

That scenario is unfathomable to you. Your life currently protected, safe and secure. Growing up in a quaint New England town. An idyllic setting. Living life in the present, not looking back, not looking forward. Simply living today.

It would also be hard to imagine I’m three times your age. I must seem so far in the future to you. But you don’t seem so far in the past to me.

I bet this weekend you will spend time with Heidi, Liz and Julie. Most weekends involve being at one of your homes, often yours. Playing Trivial Pursuit. Talking. Laughing. Solving the world’s problems. (The above picture is with Liz and Julie and one of my uncles in town for Christmas.)

I know you like that this is your life. But at times you wish it were different. You wonder if there is something everyone else is doing that you are missing. Something more adventurous and grown up like parties and dates. And there certainly is.

But you know what? The foundation you are laying with your dear friends is one that carries throughout your life. After high school graduation you all will never again live in the same state. But over Friendly’s ice cream, studying for exams, playing games and late night conversations you are learning the art of making friends. Real friends. You are learning to share hopes and dreams and fears. To let others into your heart. And to pursue theirs too.

You treasure them so much at 15. And you know what? They all bloom into three amazingly compassionate women, living out differently, but with equal passion their philosophies of life. They are intentional moms and lovers of life, spread across the country from one coast to the other.

You’re getting glimpses now of the career paths they will take. Heidi who conquered calculus by this time becomes an engineer. And she is really good at it. Liz who is reflective and aware of life becomes a technical writer, her work in scientific and psychological journals. And she is really good at it. And Julie, with an amazing ability to communicate (it was just talking at 15) and a natural people person, raises funds for children’s hospital and ivy league colleges. And she is really good at it.

They were your beginning of understanding friendships. Your investment in them opens your heart to know that the journey of life was never meant to be solitary.

In a couple of years you will taste your first major losses and disappointments. From losing your first grandparent to not getting into your top college. They will feel huge to you. And they are. But you will mourn your grandfather with grace and you will flourish at an all women’s college near Boston.

Your future husband? Um, well, he is only 12 years old right now. Yea, don’t think too much about that. But when you meet him 15 years from now, he will sweep you off your feet.

And you won’t have your first child until you are 40. That too must be unbelievable. Your/our mom is only in her early 30s right now. It’s a long road to becoming parents. But you know what? Your dear friend Julie has her first child at 40 too! (well, she would probably like to say she was 39, it was a month before her birthday). You each have a boy, born only a few days apart. Not what either one of you 15 year olds are planning right now. But ahh, some things are more beautiful that we could ever plan.

As I look at your life, it’s even the small heartaches that I’d like to protect  you from. But from the wisdom my perspective affords, they are all part of you becoming me. I wouldn’t change a thing.

The only wish I have is that your eyes be opened to see the beauty that is you at 15. Amidst awkwardness and uncertainty, it is o.k. You are figuring out your skin and how it fits. Don’t wish to be anyone but you. If you could see you the way I see you, then you would know the depth of your beauty and to treasure it.

In your yearbook people will always write the same thing “you are sweet. you are smart. you have a friendly smile.” And with a big vocabulary you respond with a smile and say sweet words, to confirm it’s true. But inside you sometimes want it to be more, to be bigger, to be different. “You are a great athlete” (umm, you aren’t.) “You are so funny.” (well, that does happen to be true. But you are reserved in crowds.) An extroverted introvert. You like you- but you wonder if others find it a bit boring.

Years from now you will find out most everyone else was figuring out the same things, how to be them. No one as confident as they may seem. You don’t know about the internet yet (oh my I sound like my parents)…so the whole concept of something called facebook won’t make sense. But it has been a vehicle to reconnect with the people that are part of your everyday 15 year old world. And life has happened to all of them. Not one of them is still 15.

Years from now you will get a note that catches you by surprise. From someone you know at 15 that you won’t talk with for years. And they will say “you write beautifully. I always remember you as a tender soul” And it surprises you because right now at 15, you aren’t thinking anyone sees you that way. You don’t think they notice things that are naturally you. Or that those things have value.

What would you do if you knew that? Would you live more into your tenderness? Would you not be afraid of the depths of which your soul feels things? Would you let go of what you think the world wants you to be?

You will. It will take some years. And some bumps. And twists and turns.

And this essential part of you at 15 that you keep on the down low, will explode.  What is true of me today at a very deep level, was true of you at 15.

I love you sweet girl. Go enjoy your 80s music and your friends. Go let more of that old soul be discovered.

Love,

You in 30 years

I’m writing my dear teenage me as part of Emily Freeman’s invitation and her recent book launch of Graceful– a book for teenage girls. If you have a teenage girl, or will, you should read this!

I’ve read Emily’s Grace for the Good Girl and it was excellent (for grown up women!)

Please go read the other letters here– and would love to hear your letter as well!

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