Sitting by a lighthouse on the North Shore. A carved out space. Alone. Twenty five years old.
Far removed from church-y language and theological understandings. But still a soul that was longing for more. Whatever more might be.
Remembering a little girl. One who once knew God. Laughed with him.
Decisions that moved her too far away. Beyond his reach.
Numbly she walked, pretended. Soon she believed what others saw. Happy, sweet, life arranged. They didn’t see the hollowness she felt. Nor the uncertainty that guided.
A final straw that had her gasping to breathe. Suffocated by what the world told her was life. Instead she felt like death. Or perhaps indifferent to it all.
Until that day. Sitting by the lighthouse. Seeing Boston in a distance. Letting it fade away. Waves gently speaking. Inviting exploration.
Trying to make sense of the stirrings in her heart. Speaking words she hadn’t yet translation for.
And there it was. A connection with her soul. A remembrance. An identity not defined by choices made. A tear came.
And then more. And more.
Not knowing exactly why. But knowing with certainty that it didn’t matter why.
And she knew she was alive. No longer bound.
“In open fields of wildflowers. She breathes the air and flies away. She thanks her Jesus for the daisies and the roses. In no simple language. Someday she’ll understand the meaning of it all.”
She left the lighthouse and drove home. Still not sure what had happened. But knowing she was pursued. Knowing she wasn’t alone.
She applied for grad school. Quit her job. Moved half way across the country. A place that her Bostonian co-workers only identified as “where Larry Bird is from”.
The suffocation lifted. Fresh air was welcomed.
Two years passed. Armed with an MBA and a spreadsheet that calculates the east coast job is the one to take. Her heart sinks and she changes the weighting. Ah, look at that. Minneapolis is the place to go. Her new found understanding of analysis and Spirit.
“He’s more than laughter or the stars in the heavens. As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips. Someday she’ll trust him and learn how to see him. Someday he’ll call her and she will come running. “
Unbeknownst to her a boy is figuring out this life of faith. Moving from Pennsylvania to Indiana to Texas. His own inciting incident, he takes a leap that same year and ends up in Minnesota.
Two lives that come together. Bearing depravity and glory.
Two lives that together celebrate a richness that arises from adversity as much as success. That shout out with joy from a passion of living out it’s calling.
I remember that girl that I was with gratefulness. With the courage to respond to a wildness she didn’t comprehend. With a small spark that gave just enough light.
The door she flung open led to a new career, to meeting her husband, to the adoption of her son. To missions trips in orphanages, to church planting. But it is more than those resume type lines.
It is a heart expanded to feel deeply. It is a soul restored that offers rest to the weary. It is a life expanded beyond the plot that the past has written. It is a story to tell that says this is not the end. To a 25 year old who thought her life was mapped out, it can be so much more.
She speaks now to my 45 year old self– there is still so much more. Keep listening. Keep responding. Love is calling.
Love that reached beyond church doors to a young woman sitting by a lighthouse. Love that gives me eyes to find others who are struggling to breathe. Love that specializes in messiness and declares this is not the end of your story.
“And fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she’ll pray ‘I want to fall in love with you’.”
****
I’m participating in a Synchroblog. Inciting Incident is a literary term for the pivotal moment when a character makes a decision that impacts their life. Several bloggers are writing about a significant event in their own life and how it shaped and impacted their journey. It will tie in with the release of the collaborative book, Inciting Incidents.
Please go read more here! You will find my post along with many others that you don’t want to miss reading. (I’m number 20)
Song lyrics: Jars of Clay. Love Song for a Savior. I heard this song for the first time years after the Lighthouse Incident. But the first time I let the words soak in, that is the girl I pictured. Learning to run free in wildflowers and not understanding it all…yet.
Linking up today with:
On Your Heart Tuesdays, Titus 2 Tuesday, Soli Deo Gloria, WIP Wednesday, Living Well Wednesday, God-Bumps and God-Incidences, Unwrapping His Promises, Life Unmasked, Thought Provoking Thursday
I loved this! And I really love that song! Jars of clay was my university soundtrack – I’d totally forgotten about that song. I love the ways that Jesus breathes life into people – you described that so beautifully.
Oh thank you friend! After I read your comment I went back and added the meaning to me of the Jars of Clay song…that is the girl I always picture when I hear it.
I haven’t yet read your post. After we settle in from after kindergarten, I’m heading there.
What a beautiful way to tell a story (and a beautiful story to tell!) I love your heart that you share here: “Love that reached beyond church doors to a young woman sitting by a lighthouse. Love that gives me eyes to find others who are struggling to breathe. Love that specializes in messiness and declares this is not the end of your story.” I just want to shout YES!!… and Yay for that Love! Well put 🙂 Stopping by from cornerstone confessions. And Psst… I’m going to Allume too! 🙂
xo Amanda at http://www.the-cadence.com
Thank you so much Amanda! Your encouragement means a lot. it is a story I haven’t thought about in a while.
I just went to your blog and I love it 🙂 Will be visiting more.
On Friday I found out I was off the waiting list for Allume- so excited. Look forward to meeting you there.
Stunning!!
Blessing after blessing in each line. God is such an amazing Father, loving us beyond what we can fathom. So thankful He pursues.
Thank you Stefanie…yes- thankful he pursues!!
what a beautiful post! You captured your heart with such gentle grace. So thankful for the whispers you have heard and the truth you’ve known from his hear to yours.
Thank you Tracee for stopping by! I’m looking forward to reading your story in the book!
I have heard Rob’s version of this story – I appreciate hearing yours. It is comforting to be reminded of God’s steadfast Hand, and His working out of the plan!!
🙂
Thank you Beth! I haven’t thought about those years in a while…the ones that led me to leaving Boston. Godd to remember, which seems to lead to gratitude.
I like this post.
Thank you Denise 🙂
Beautiful …
“And she knew she was alive.” … So heart-stirring. Thank you.
Thank you Jennifer! I’m enjoying linking up with you 🙂
Dear Melanie
It is only the 2nd time that I have read one of your blogposts and I get the feeling that you know, really know how God’s Love works. I think that you also know through experience how we NEED
to experience His love first before we can hope to love the way He does, only to discover that we can’t and need Him to love others through us. You have captured the beauty and mystery of our Lord’s love in such an incredibly sensitive way! Thank you.
Mia from hisnlovingembrace.wordpress.com
Oh Mia! I can’t tell you how much your comment means to me. Thanks for taking the time to write. I just went and visited your blog…as I was reading I thought, I wonder if she knows of Tanya Marlow. Then I saw she commented on your post 🙂 You both write of similar themes. Thank you again for sharing your impression.
Shelly- I enjoyed how your younger self was speaking to your 45 year old self. Your lyrical prose causes me to pause and think calmly about what you are writing…to soak in the snapshots of your inciting incident.
http://www.nourishsoul.blogspot.com
Thank you for stopping by! And for your encouragement.
I love the way you’ve written your journey of faith and how it’s changed you & played out in your life! I love the picture too! So beautiful and peaceful, I wish I could be sitting there spending time with God.
Visiting from Thought Provoking Thursday. 🙂
Blessings,
Laura
Laura Rath ~ Journey in Faith
http://www.laurarath.blogspot.com
I have always pictured my daugther Kaitlyn when I hear that song, but now I can picture you and the journey that brought you to my brother and the wonderful family you have become with Samuel. I really enjoyed reading this.
Ohh, thank you Ted! I’ll think of Kaitlyn too, such beautiful words. And I’m grateful that I get you as a brother in law!! (and your whole family too!)
I love taking a look back and seeing how God has weaved all our different choices and circumstances to lead us to where we are right now. It’s beautiful. Thanks for sharing your story with WIP!
It sure is something to see choices and promptings and how God works and redeems. Thanks for having the link up 🙂